I suffer from a stomach condition called dyspepsia. I produce a surplus of stomach acid that leads to excess gas, nausea and, in severe cases, ulcers. As a result I am often riddled with trapped wind. If I do not expel the gas it can cause intense discomfort. Due to this I often forego social etiquette and just get it out. Sometimes it's embarrassing; sometimes it's funny. Either way I don't really mind that much, as I'm not really someone who stands on ceremony. I also quite like the dirty, brash, uncouth persona it allows me to adopt for a short while. I can put on my best Northern accent, spout meaningless axioms such as 'better out than in' and stick two fingers in the air to society. (If only for a self-conscious minute.)
Whilst I may be able to use my condition to excuse my rectal emissions, I'm afraid the same can't be done for my oral ones. Partaking in repugnant role-playing is far less irritating (or time consuming) than wallowing in overly-verbose literary pretensions.
Basically, the last post was way too long, and for this I apologise. From now on I will endeavour to contain my verbal methane and limit my posts to digestible chunks.
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